They don't make it bloody easy do they?! Trying to keep my newly discovered positive mental attitude aflame before it gets blown out by the cruel wind of the London dating scene, I have just signed up to a dating website called plenty of fish. It wasn't a good experience. First of all, it's so so difficult trying to write a description of yourself to try and attract a mate. Everything that comes out just seems like a ridiculous cliché. I'm left with a slight feeling of hopelessness to be honest. I'm sure what I wrote was perfectly fine, it's just I hate that feeling of having to sell myself as if I was at a job interview. It's bloody impersonal and I hate it. Boo! Here's what I wrote:
It sounds like the biggest cliché, but my friends would call me the life and soul of the party and I'd have to agree. I'm very sociable and I love being out and about and being in the company of other people. Loner is definitely not a word to describe myself. That's not to say I'm averse to quiet nights in because really I can be a complete homebody/couch potato when the mood takes me. One thing I am definitely not is sporty, so please no invitations to go hiking or for a bracing jog around the park because you'll be jogging alone.
At the moment I'm in between jobs. I've been living in Madrid for two years teaching English but have decided to move back to London to work towards taking my masters in conference interpreting. I speak five languages so it seems the logical thing to do. Plus I think it's a job where I'll be constantly challenged. Also, I'll get to wear a cool headset..
In terms of music, film etc I can't really list what I'm into as the internet would probably collapse from the weight of data I'd need to input to fit everything in. Suffice to say I have very broad tastes from classic jazz to Céline Dion and The Carpenters (yes you read right, no shame here). I do love films too, but I'm a real telly addict really. I need my daily fix of TV and my favourite shows or else.
It's so hard to give an accurate description of yourself in a little box on a screen I think. So impersonal. Basically I'm a happy, caring, funny guy who hasn't really had much luck when it comes to love. I'd really like to meet someone similar (or complete polar opposite, I'm an equal opportunities kind of guy). If this sounds up your street then get in touch!
What do you think? I just don't know. I feel like it's ok but I kind of want to change it. It's like flaming Sophie's Choice. I wasn't sure about the five languages thing either but fuck it, I'm clever, so shoot me! I decided not to mention the virgin issue just yet. I'm dreading having to discuss it at all with a prospective partner really. It's definitely something I want to do face to face though, not over a flickering computer screen. This is the first time I've done this where I'm taking it seriously and I feel like my life is hanging in the balance (a little dramatic perhaps).
So, profile done you then have to answer the most probing questionnaire ever devised. There were several awkward questions relating to dating history and how you behave when in a relationship. I didn't know what to put. There's no box for 30 year old virgin so I just had to improvise. Then I had drama trying to upload a photo. I couldn't put the ones I wanted up as they were too small apparently. So I've had to resort to trawling through my photo albums for more recent pictures in which I look like Shamu the killer whale (exaggeration, I'm still cute!).
About to put a carving knife to my wrist I finally managed to complete the damn thing. Hooray, I did it. Wrong! Now I have to trawl through a database the size of Russia looking for men who don't look like murderers or people out on day release. I've seen a few specimens who've caught my eye so we'll see. Honest opinion at this point though, I'm not sure about this internet dating malarkey. I'm intrigued and horrified in equal measure. Watch this space...
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