Best laid plans

So, now you know a little more about me, maybe it's time I started formulating a plan to help me snag Prince Charming. "Just let it happen naturally" I hear you cry. Bollocks is my reply to that. I'm of the opinion that, like anything in life, you get out what you put in. You've got to be proactive if you want to be successful at whatever you're doing. It might sound incredibly unromantic to approach finding love in this way, but so far the path I've been following hasn't exactly born fruit has it? I think it's time I let my anal (!) nature hold sway and come up with a plan of action. Plus, I just like to make lists.

I suppose the obvious place to start is by joining a dating website. I did actually join one here in Spain, eDarling it's called. This initial flirtation with online dating lasted approximately three minutes though, as I was bombarded with a slew of Quasimodo lookalikes all wanting to 'make my acquaintance' shall I say. I wouldn't have minded so much except that they all must have been illiterate. I had clearly stated on my profile that I was looking for someone in Madrid and wasn't prepared to travel.However, I had strange, flabby, balding men from all over Spain clamouring to see me. Gross! This does beg the age old question is it true that only murderers, losers, perverts, facially and physically challenged (aka fat and ugly) people use online dating? At the moment all signs point to yes. I'm not going to be put off though. Positive mental attitude people!

Then there's the question of Gaydar. For those of you who don't know, this is basically a website where gay guys can find each other and have rumpus. I think I've answered my own question with this one. If I just wanted sex I could have been having illicit liaisons courtesy of this website for years. I'm not judging anyone who uses it though. I guess I'm just a bit of a romantic at heart. I'd like to be wined and dined  a bit before I give it up!

I also need to develop some kind of functioning gaydar and a sense of when guys are into me, as I seem to be the only homosexual on the planet who doesn't possess it. Case in point: I lived in Italy for a year when I was 23. There I met a really sweet, cute guy named Roberto. We'd hung out in a group a few times, he was really fun and I liked him a lot. Of course I was too terrified to ask him out so I just drooled quietly from afar. Anyway, one day he invited me over to his house for 'cake' (a euphemism for sex I later found out). Now, I had been living in Italy for a few months at this point gorging daily on cheese, ham, salami and cake, and my waistline was beginning to expand like a hot air balloon. Thus, when he asked me if I wanted to come round for cake my reply was an emphatic no! How was he ever going to fall in love with me if I looked like Barry White after a rough weekend?! I still maintain that if he'd just been more direct we might have had something. Don't get me wrong here guys, I'm not scared of sex. I just need someone to literally wave their penis in my face for me to realise they're interested. How was I supposed to know that 'cake' was possibly some weird Italian way of asking me if I wanted to make the beast with two backs?

There are tons of options open to me if I really want to put myself out there I guess: Blind dates, speed dating, set ups by friends, saunas (maybe not for me though), the list goes on. Reading this, every fibre in my body is screaming and trying to run for the door. I'm fighting my jaded, cynical nature at every step with this one. I am excited as well though. I kind of can't wait to get home so the hunt can begin! Stay tuned...