Yes rudeboy, I´m a battyman. And what?!

I’m writing this post on word, to be posted later on the blog, as we don’t have internet today. Our provider Jazztel (or spaztel as I prefer to call them), is having technical problems and we won’t get our connection back until sometime tomorrow. It’s odd, the internet has only been an integral part of my life for a few years really, but without it (even for one day), I feel like Superman without his powers. I’m going to have to go to the internet café downstairs (horror of all horrors) to post this. I’m also feeling very lethargic today as this diet I’m on has left me with absolutely zero energy. Hence I’m in a slightly (understatement) vitriolic mood and don’t really feel like writing about dating and love, as ain’t no love in my heart today. I’m taking a different tack with this post, and this is something I hope to continue. If this blog is going to have a decent life span then I think it’s important not just to document my search for bum fun and love, but also to make you all privy to some other musings about my life.

I come from a very diverse background. My maternal grandparents are from Austria and Jamaica, and my dad was from Bermuda. I’m proud of my entire heritage, but in particular I feel a real affinity with my Caribbean side. I love the food, the music, the history, everything. It’s a little unfortunate then that a large proportion of the Caribbean community (Jamaicans in particular) don’t return that love. Jamaica is one of the most homophobic countries in the world. It pervades every echelon of society from the street seller right up to the Prime Minister who was quoted as saying: “There is no room for homosexuals in Jamaican society”. Homophobia in Jamaica manifests itself (more often than not) in violent form, with gays and lesbians being hounded out of their homes, and in some cases beaten or even murdered.

Before I get into this I feel it necessary to say that in no way am I generalising here. I know there are plenty of West Indians who have absolutely no problem with gay people. I think it speaks volumes though that I can count my black friends on the fingers of one hand. 99% of my friends are white.

I live in Ladbroke Grove, one of the most racially diverse areas of London. It has a very large West Indian community, and unfortunately a large proportion of them aren’t backwards in coming forwards about their hatred of gay people. In an average week I would say that I’m verbally (and on rare occasions, physically) abused about four days out of seven. It’s horrible and I dread it happening. At the risk of sounding like Moses, these are my people and it frustrates me beyond words that so many of them are ignorant pigs. This is the area I grew up in. My family has lived there for decades. It’s a place I love with all my heart. How dare these fools say open their mouths to anyone? Their vitriol is especially harsh towards me, as I too am a black man and they seem to take my homosexuality as some kind of insult to the race. I often cross the road if I’m alone and I see a group of young black guys coming towards me, because more often than not I know they’re going to hurl some kind of abuse at me. In some ways I suppose I could be called slightly racist. It’s horrible having to admit that, but every time I try to have a little faith in my community and go about my business as normal, I have it thrown back in my face. I guess this is all coming to the surface now as I’ve spent two years living in Madrid where being gay is completely accepted by almost all sections of society. Gay men and women kiss openly on the streets here. You see gay couples walking hand in hand every day and nobody bats an eyelid (which is exactly how it should be). There’s no way I’d feel safe walking around my neighbourhood and displaying any sign of affection towards my boyfriend for fear of what might happen. As much as I’m looking forward to coming home next month, this Spanish tolerance is something I’m going to miss bitterly.

So where does this homophobia stem from. Well, in my opinion it’s a combination of things. The main problem is religion. A hangover from colonial times, Jamaica, the rest of the Caribbean (and indeed many African countries, where hatred of gays is a huge problem too) are still incredibly religious. And it’s not a nice Victoria sponge, harvest fair, more tea vicar kind of Christianity that is practiced there either. A lot of West Indians believe in a vengeful God. The bible is unquestioned, and as it clearly states in said book that being gay is a sin, there is no room for homosexuals in society. Another problem is the general machismo of Jamaican society. Men are expected to be men. Women are often seen as sex objects (just listen to a selection of dancehall tunes and you’ll understand) and any deviation from the norm, especially one as heinous as being attracted to the same sex, is met with violent contempt. This macho culture pervades the whole society and makes it nigh on impossible to effect any real change. I think the final reason in this charming trinity is the fact that Jamaica is a piss poor country. There are very few resources and children simply aren’t educated that it’s ok to be gay. Couple this with the host of external factors bearing down on them and you can begin to understand why kids there grow up to hate.

Obviously education is the key to changing people’s attitudes. However, I can’t envisage a time (and it really saddens me to say this) where we’ll destroy homophobia for the most part in West Indian society. The skewed values, backed up by massive cultural influences, seem so entrenched that I just can’t see a time where I could kiss my boyfriend in the centre of Kingston (or outside Ladbroke Grove tube station come to that) without raising a disapproving stare, let alone fists.