Homo 101

Many of you reading this will not share my sexual proclivities, so I thought it might be fun to educate you all in some of the lingo attached to being gay. There's a lot of it (and some of it's a little abstract) so be prepared:

Bears - Bears are older guys with lots of body hair. Think Phil Mitchell but bigger and hairier, like this guy


Sexy right?! No, they don't really do it for me either. Bears have their own nights where they dance around topless. sweat profusely and trim each other's body hair with special pink scissors (not really).

Bear Cubs - Like bears, only younger.

Otters - No, these aren't guys that are into aquatic sex and gnawing on wood. They're halfway between a bear and a twink ("what's a twink" you say? Hold your horses, we'll get there). Celebrity otters escape me so here's a random one for you:


Twinks - Twinks are hairless, slim little boys basically. Often sporting tight T-shirts (or crop tops, and yes I've seen them) and floppy hair. Definitely not my type (smacks of paedophile's delight a tad for my liking):

So wrong. They look like five year olds.

Muscle Marys - I cannot tell a lie these are the ones that do it for me. Big, pumped up gym bunnies. It's obvious but hey, I'm a guy and we're obvious. Think about it. How many straight guys want a pneumatic Jordan look-a-like if they're honest. In some ways this is the ideal (according to men) female form. I'm just following the gay equivalent. Look at me making excuses. Muscle guys are hot, period! They usually hang out in intimidating packs in darkened clubs and the gym. I usually stand somewhere in the vicinity drooling and sweating like a rapist. Sexy:

And yes a lot of them have shrivelled genitals due to steroid abuse. I like to think of this as a positive thing though. I'm a virgin remember. Think about it...

Daddies - Older gay men (above 50 normally). Imagine your dad has just come out, bought himself a pair of stone washed denim jeans, a plaid shirt and you're there.

Normal gay men - The vast majority of gays. No excessive body hair or bulging muscles here. We're everywhere. You can tell us from a slight mince and maybe an excessive knowledge of Kylie (I'm stereotyping horribly but you get the picture)

There's a myriad of other expressions. Ones that refer to sexual preference for example. There are tops/active (guys that fuck), bottoms/passive (guys that get fucked), and versatile (clever guys that do everything, like Will Smith).

If I've piqued your interest have a look on urbandictionary.com for a million more definitions that will make you go cross eyed!