It's been a while. Blah, blah, blah. It's winter. I'm black. I've been hibernating. Sue me.
I haven't been completely inactive over the past few months though. I've been trying out the vast array of social networking sites out there. And there really are a vast array: Grindr, Manhunt, Gaydar, Fit Lads to name just a few. Do you spot the trend in all these titles? Sex. Sex, sex, sex. At the risk of sounding like Mary Whitehouse, when did we all become so obsessed with making the beast with two backs?
I don't know about you, but generally when I meet someone for the first time, whether in cyber space or the real world, I like to ask questions about that person's interests or a bit about their background. Not their cock size and if they're into fisting. I understand that in some ways the internet is about anonymity and granting people a freedom they wouldn't perhaps have in everyday life, but whatever happened to a bit of oral (minds out of the gutter, I mean conversational) foreplay?
If I'm sounding as if I belong in a Jane Austen novel I don't care. I suppose I am a bit of a romantic at heart. And I'm not talking about unrealistic Hollywood romance either, I'm under no pretensions about that believe me. I just think it might be nice sometimes to have the date before the sex, and not the other way round as seems to be the case so often in gay world. I'm not trying to have a go at my fellow queers here either. Gay men have fought long and hard to have the same rights as everyone else, and if meeting someone penis first is your bag; go for it. I'm just thinking out loud and trying to figure out where I fit in in this big rainbow coloured world of ours. I can't be the only one who feels like this. Surely not?
Perhaps I do belong in a different time. I can quite see myself scrubbing my front step, rollers in hair talking with Reeny from next door about 'er at number 57 and the baby she's 'ad with 'im who works down't docks. Sorry, tangent. Ignore me. Seriously though, I do feel out of place a lot of the time among my own people.
Since starting to write this blog I've had a lot of comments, mostly positive, from friends and strangers alike. Now, not to be dismissive to my loyal following of breeder readers (I like that), but I guess I'm slightly more interested in what the gays think about my musings. And, unfortunately, I have to say I'm not always pleased with the results. Case in point: I was at a party a few weeks ago and someone approached me:
Gay: "Hi, I'm X"
Moi: "Hello I'm John. Nice to meet you."
Gay: "Oh you're John. You write the blog right?"
Moi: "Yes, that's right"
I could feel the big, pink, neon, virginal arsehole above my head flashing on and off. You might think I'm being paranoid here, but I promise you had you been there you would understand totally. He might as well have said: "Oh, you're John, the 31 year old virgin right?".
The fact of the matter is that a lot of gay men, and indeed the entire gay scene is completely sex oriented and that's just the way it is. So it follows that these internet sites are just going to be a (penis) extension of real life. Men love to fuck, to put it bluntly. Obviously my Mr right isn't waiting for me inside a 1x1 centimetre touch sensitive square on my iPhone. He's waiting for me on Portobello Road with a cup of coffee to spill on me, invite me back to his to get cleaned up, and then fall madly in love with me. Oh no wait, that's bullshit.
I won't lose faith though. I know there are other guys out there who feel like me, I just need to find them. To end on a cheeky Kenneth Williams / Carry On note, I just need to find the hole I fit into. Oo er missus!
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